Mono Musings

Things I`ve noticed since Mono decided to inhabit my body:

1. I eat like a horse. I had read that you lose your appetite. The article failed to specify that that is only true for the first couple of weeks. Then you turn into half farm animal and stuff food down your throat like it`s your fulltime job. Sometimes when eating alone, it`s fun to imagine the look that would be on a first date`s face if they were sitting across from me.

2. My body feels like it has matured to the age of 90. This is reflected in my walking- slow, shuffling feet, slightly bent over if I`m not conscious of it. Fortunately my hair is still brown, and I don`t have crows feet around my eyes. However, with my birthday coming up, I might put a cane down on the list.

3. Everything is funnier (please see 1 as an example). I am guessing that this is because my brain is part jello right now, OR because of the decrease in human interaction, thereby making me even more awkward and strange. The lack of human interaction makes me even more prone to initiate conversations with people on the tube, outside of the tube, the bus driver... This is not a bad thing, but with my body turning 90 this year, my hearing isn`t as good, and I usually talk way too loud, making the person next to me shuffle away a bit more.

4. I can listen to the same song 10 times in a row and still want to listen to it again. This would also be something that a first date would roll their eyes at.

5. My dreams are much more vivid. This usually makes me more grateful that I never remember them in the morning.

6. I could sleep anywhere, anytime. Nap time at 8pm... why not!

Pressing on...

On Tuesday afternoon, I was sitting in my favourite coffee shop working on some admin stuff, and I knew that my body wasn't feeling normal. I could tell that I was feeling the mono again. I packed up my things and went home, got into my flat, dropped my things on the floor, and had to lie on my bed for 3 hours before picking myself up to make some dinner. I laid there with tears in my eyes, "God, why didn't I pace myself better these past 3 weeks? I thought I was setting limits and staying in more in the evenings. I can't bear the thought of going through those last 2 months again. I pray that I would wake up feeling alright tomorrow." But Wednesday morning came around, and I couldn't get out of the house until 4pm, and that was to get some food. It's been easy for me to go to a self-condemning place where I feel a lot of guilt for not "doing better" at taking care of myself, or being "too excited" to get back into the opportunities that are here. But that's not the Gospel, and yeah, I could have done a better job, but I know that God is FAITHFUL and SOVEREIGN over all of this, and this is all part of His plan for my life right now. On Sunday afternoon, I was skyping with a dear friend, and feeling tired, but not too bad. God laid it on her heart to share from Exodus about how God's timing in all things is perfect, and reminding me of how He keeps His promises, and Moses had to come to the end of himself and ask why he was called, and God answered and came to the rescue. And even in sharing that, God showed His power, and used that to prepare me for relapsing back into mono on Tuesday afternoon.
My sinful nature tends to get all panicky in these kinds of situations. I begin to worry about things in the future- what if this lasts for months? I'm in a foreign country on support- what if people stop supporting me? What if I can't finish my term here? My family is all spread out, where would I go? What if I gain weight because I can't exercise... Or I lose too much weight because I'm not eating enough? Don't I serve a bigger God than all of those things? Isn't He so much greater than all of those cares? Hasn't He shown His faithfulness throughout my life, throughout history?
"Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS; again I say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. THE LORD IS NEAR. Be anxious for NOTHING, but in EVERYTHING by prayer and supplication WITH THANKSGIVING let your requests be known to God." Phil 4:4-6

What if God is calling me to grow in the knowledge of Him right now? I know I need that. I hunger for it. What if this gives me more opportunity to see my prayer life strengthen. I know I need that too. He is near, even when I'm alone and uncomfortable. He calls me to not worry about anything, but to bring all things before Him and lay them at His feet and give Him thanks for who He is and how He is going to show His power in this season. I am so thankfulf or His word.

All in

A friend recently encouraged me with a passage from Exodus 5-6, which has led me to start reading through Exodus again and begin listening to a sermon series online about being "All in... Life with Jesus isn't easier, but it's better!" This morning I was listening to a sermon and was deeply challenged by God's promise to provide when He calls. Moses uses every excuse... "God, who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh, and that I should bring the sons of Israel out of Egypt?" (3:11) God's response is, "BUT I WILL BE WITH YOU..." He doesn't pat Moses on the head and give him a self-esteem boost, "You'll be just fine. You can do it." He immediately reminds Moses that it is God who will be with him. When we hold to this promise and truth, every excuse we bring to the table really falls short. "I don't want to do this alone." God promises that He is with me. "I miss my friends and long to be back in community with them." God promises that He is with me. And getting past my own self, what about the widowed grandparent who is grieving the loss of their spouse of 60+ years? God promises that He is with him/her. Or the woman who just had a miscarriage, and is mourning the loss of new life. God promises that He will be with her. Or the father who is struggling to find employment to provide for his family. It doesn't mean that life is going to be easier. In fact, I think that often when we put our trust in Jesus and live with our eyes fixed on a heavenly kingdom and not an earthly home, we will face many trials. I would even go as far as to say that if life is always peachy and we're not experiencing any hardship or persecution for being followers of Christ, we need to take a serious look at our lives. I was so blown away and humbled the other day when I read from Paul's epistle to the church in Philippae, "... that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death..." (3:10). The fellowship of his sufferings! Dying to ourselves and having life in Christ! This is not going to be easy, but it's going to be so much better, and so worth it! Am I all in for Jesus? Am I laying my excuses and hesitations at his feet, and hearing Jesus' reminder to me in Matt 28 (the Great Commission), "and behold, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." I want to be all in for Jesus, no holding back.

Please pray for me. Mono seems to have reared its ugly head for another attack today. I thought I was pacing myself alright and setting some limits, but I came home this afternoon completely done. Please pray for good rest these next couple of days and a full recovery, and that God would protect me from self-condemnation and guilt for not "doing better" at pacing myself. Thanks!

`` God doesn`t want our performance. He wants our hearts.``

Such a refreshing reminder! I am so thankful for the Gospel!

With two of my teammates...

This is us being very thankful and excited that the largest new age shop in Camden, which was right down the walkway from where Lysan Church meets, CLOSED DOWN!!!!!!! Praise the Lord!

Yesterday, Today, and Forever

"Everlasting God, the years go by but You're unchanging.
In this fragile world, You are the only firm foundation.
Always loving, always true. Always merciful and good, so good.
You are faithful, and we will trust in You!"

This morning I sat in a church service with a heart that ached so strongly to be back home with my church family in Toronto. I am so thankful for the opportunity to be serving and learning here, but I miss the body of Christ at my church so deeply. I've been reading through a lot of Paul's epistles lately in the New Testament, and more than ever before in my life, I taste and feel some of that longing, joy, and ache that he always seemed to have for the body of Christ.
As I was walking home from lunch today with a heart that is screaming for familiarity of place and people, a tender voice reminded my heart that God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. My heart is aching so badly to be sitting under my pastor's preaching this morning and just feel at home and "safe" and savour the blessing of community there, and be playing the djembe with the worship team, and not have to be "the new girl". But He definitely called me to serve over here this year. And if He reminds me throughout scripture that He is faithful and unchanging, then I can rest in the knowledge that He is my Familiar One today, even in a place and land and people that so often feel so unfamiliar. I am so thankful that He found me, while I was sitting among pig food and also out in the field (Luke 15), and that I can experience the embrace and celebration of belonging to my Heavenly Father in whatever land I am living in, because my inheritance is in Him. That is good news for a homesick girl.

Glimpses:

-Being asked to pray with a couple on Camden High Street on Monday, and seeing a lot of interest from one of them in coming to church on Sunday.
-God working in my team and strengthening our relationships with each other. Feel like we're becoming more real and honest with each other.
-Sitting and laughing over tea with a friend here. She has a safetypin as one of her many piercings. I have pearl earrings. She is wearing all black. I look like a farmgirl in a bright plaid shirt. She comes with a hangover. I don't even know what that feels like. And yet it just seems so natural and fun when there is tea in our hands. She asks me how I've been feeling. I ask how her wedding went overseas. We lose track of time, and she starts opening up about stuff, and I sit there feeling thankful that God has brought this friend into my life.
-Taking a muffin to a trader this morning and her getting excited to see me and saying, "Hey, when you asked me how you could be praying for me on Monday, did you actually pray for me?" "Yeah, I did. How come?" She then begins opening up about some stuff that happened later that day, and how that night she just felt a lot of peace about it, and she wondered if it was because I had prayed for her that day. She said that she had told her friend in the stall next door (who I get coffee with regularly) about it and was hoping that I would come by, so that she could tell me.

"Men may flee from the sunlight to dark and musty caves of the earth, but they cannot put out the sun. So men may in any dispensation despise the grace of God, but they cannot extinguish it." -A.W. Tozer

"God's compassion is my story, is my boasting all the day;
Mercy free and never failing moves my will, directs my way.
God so loved us, God so loved us, that His only Son He gave.
And the world will sing His love."

I want to tell His story of compassion to the people of Camden, many of whom are living in musty caves when the sun is shining right outside. Lord, give me the strength and endurance to do so.

Today I went to the British Museum (if you haven't been and get the chance, it's an amazing place!). "A" told us that people travel all over the world to see history, but so much of history is sitting in this building. He took us through an exhibit on the Assyrians, Persians, and Greeks, pointing out specific artifacts. We'd pull out our Bibles and stand there reading texts in the Old and New Testament that coincide with what we were looking at! It was an amazing way to spend my day off! Here is an example:



This is "wallpaper" from the palace in Nineva. "A" pointed out the scorch marks on the markings and began reading from his notes that archeologists state that the black marks are from a fire that took place in Nineva sometime between 640-620AD. Nahum prophesized that because the cruel Assyrians would not repent (about a century after Jonah went there and the city repented), God would send a devastating fire to the city. Nahum was a prophet around 650AD. Cool, eh?



This is a tablet that was found that talks about Noah and how a flood came to destroy the earth.
This is all in walking distance from where I live! Better take advantage of it!

What wine glasses were really made for:

Capturing Camden High Street on a sunny day

Camden Market is known as the most popular tourist attraction in the UK. In the summer it averages 300,000 people on the weekends, but even during a weekday in the winter, the streets are still packed in areas.

Goodbye Mono

Goodbye Mono! I am so thankful that you are gone from my body and I can get back to serving in Camden fulltime! I know I learned a lot through these 2 months of being in bed, and I am thankful for how I saw the Gospel through it. But I can't say that I will miss having Mono! It is good to be up and out in Camden!

I did a hike a couple weeks ago while on a prayer/ministry trip in northern England. My favourite moment was lying flat on my stomach and sticking my head up to the edge of a big cliff, with the wind pelting hard against my face, and yelling at the top of my lungs in excitement and thankfulness for energy and strength to finally be outside!! This is me yelling into the wind. Not the most flattering photo, but it captured this happy moment!

My teammate using an example of ants to explain my personality: