This evening was our team Christmas dinner, so I tried to venture out for the first time in a few days. I made it down to Camden on the bus, and had to turn around because I felt too sick to keep going to the restaurant. I got so frustrated and started crying on the walk home. Then I noticed that my frustration moved towards people around me on the street, like I was taking it out on them or something. I prayed that God would uproot the anger that's inside and soften my heart. I felt very ashamed that I was getting mad at people around me.
I am very often in need of asking the Lord to forgive me and work in my heart, but I notice that I am even more sensitive and edgey when I am sick. Maybe that is one of the blessings that Paul talks about with suffering; it highlights to me even more how much I need saving and healing from Jesus, because I am so quick to complain, get frustrated and angry, worry, idolize. I am so thankful and in awe that in all of Jesus' suffering, He never sinned. And because He never did, He absorbed all of mine and isn't surprised by how wayward my heart is. I'm really thankful for the cross this evening, and that by His wounds, I'm spiritually healed.

Yesterday

I think yesterday evening was the scariest time since I've been in London. I've been battling the flu since Tuesday night, but yesterday I felt the worst. By the evening, my temperature got pretty high, and I had been inside my flat, alone, for 3 days. When my temperature spiked, and my head started pounding and fingers tingling, I began panicking and hyperventilating, because I was scared and didn't know what to do. I usually get the flu around Christmas time, but I've always been sick with a housemate or family member around. I texted a couple of people on my team asking for help and wondering what to do. And they were really great. My team leader came to my flat with a brown bag, some meds, and got me drinking more fluids (I was dehydrated). We debated going to the ER, but I told him I really didn't want to go if we could help it. And just having someone come in and check on me was comforting. He also prayed for me. When I was panicking, I had also texted one of my close friends back home to ask her to please pray, because I was scared and didn't know what to do. She emailed me and told me that she had prayed that God would send some people to care for me. Shortly after my team leader had left, one of the other apprentices here, who I hadn't contacted, texted me. She asked if it would be okay if she came and kept an eye on me for the night. It was really amazing to see my friend's prayer answered like that, and I was thankful for how God provided some people right here to care for me.

The Expected One

I'm reading through the gospel of Luke right now. Usually around this time of year, I'll focus in on selected readings centering around the birth of Jesus, but this year I'm continuing on through the book. It's been very enriching and eye-opening for me to read the accounts of Jesus' ministry. I don't know if it's partly because I haven't read through the Gospels in a while, or if it's because I'm really feeling broken and messy and in need of a Saviour right now, and maybe both. I'm just always struck by the stories that I'm reading.
For the past few days, I've been reading over and over again the story of John's disciples going to Jesus to ask Him questions. The whole story itself, with how the "sinners and traders" believed He was the Messiah, because they had received the baptism of repentance, and the Pharisees couldn't deal with their own inconsistencies and denied their hypocrisy, because they weren't living lives of repentance... that was very humbling for me to look at and examine. But what also struck me was John the Baptist's question for Jesus, "Are you the EXPECTED ONE, or do we look for someone else?" And here is Jesus the Messiah, the One they have been waiting for for so long, standing and performing miracles and saying that He is the One. All the while, the Pharisees, the teachers of the law, men who had been studying about the coming of the Messiah for their whole lives, didn't even see Him as He really was- the Expected One. They were looking for someone else.
This time of year is always really interesting for me- I always feel this tension in my heart. There are so many distractions and attention-pulling things around me. And a lot of them are good things, like planning out a carol service in the market, or attending Christmas parties, or making Christmas cards. But I confess that most years, it's not until Christmas Eve night, when I'm lying on the couch with all the lights off, except for the Christmas tree, and everyone else is sleeping, that I really realize it's Christmas the next day. And I think that's kind of sad. Because what's going on in the hussle and bussle is not always helping me live in expectation of the Expected One. I am so so often a Pharisee, thinking that I know all this stuff about Jesus, but I'm looking around for someone else or something else or something that I can DO to save me. When really, He's standing right here wanting me to live in expectation of Him and what He can do in my life, in my brokenness. I'm so thankful that He is the Expected One, the One this world has been waiting for.

I was pretty excited to look out the window yesterday morning and see a light dusting of snow on the ground. It looked like back home! When I turned on my computer before heading out to the shelter, the front page headline in one of the leading newspapers stated "Snow Chaos! How did this happen again?"

I give you "Snow Chaos"...




I realize that this country is not prepared for this kind of weather, there are no snow tires here, and it's kind of icy on the sidewalks. But "Snow Chaos"? There's less than an inch on the ground outside. It's beautiful outside!!! And it's winter! Aren't we suppose to get some snow out there? :)

Today

Tomorrow our team is celebrating American Thanksgiving. I didn't get a turkey at Canadian Thanksgiving this year, so I am double excited about tomorrow. And before I hit the hay, I thought I'd write down a couple of the many things I'm thankful from today:
-Getting to go toy store window shopping with my sister R today. She took the train into London, and we had a blast in the puppet section (the giraffe and ostrich puppets were my favourite to play with). Then we went back to being adultish and had tea and scones at Debbenhams. It was great.
-Mushroom soup and a good homemade sandwich that was provided for me.
-Blue sky. I'm learning to be more grateful for those blue patches when they come out.
-Getting to skype with a good friend/mentor and her daughter back home. That was just so good!

Thank You, Jesus.

An Ode to my Shower

Recently a friend stopped by,
and commented on my shower's size.

"I really don't know how you manage in there.
How do you shampoo and condition your hair?"

I gave a small chuckle and said in response,
"It was a struggle at first, but now not so much."

I admit that my shower is oh so very small.
In fact, it's probably the smallest of most shower stalls.

When I first moved in and observed its width,
I was concerned that I'd get stuck in it.

Once I got the hang of how it works,
the dial on its wall and some other quirks,

I was able to manage and even enjoy it,
even though I'm still unsure how the room managed to squeeze in a toilet.

The only big problem is its sudden change in temperature,
or when the water assumes a much less pressure.

But then I just step out, covered in soap,
and shiver while I wait for the boiler to heat up some more.

For didn't Seuss once say along the same lines,
that "A shower is a shower, no matter its size?"

I'm having another bout of homesickness today. I haven't been feeling well the past couple of days, and this morning I'm just missing Toronto people a lot and getting anxious about next year and not having a clue where I'll be or what I'll be doing. My tendency on these kind of days is to wake up and start pushing through the morning on my own, instead of being quick to take these burdens to Jesus. After running to the local store to pick up some things to make breakfast, I found myself sitting at the table crying with a heart that feels like it's in a knot. And it felt so good to just take it all to Jesus and ask Him to carry these burdens, and to protect me from giving into the tempting lies of Satan- that I'm not pretty enough or smart enough or normal enough. I knew from how I was feeling yesterday that it'd been a while since I'd had a good cry, and it felt good to let it out. I'm reading through the Psalms right now, and this morning's was from Psalm 50- "Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I shall rescue you, and you will honor Me." That's my heart's cry- I really want to honor Jesus with my life, in whatever He calls me to do, whether that's alone or with someone; whether it's here or there; whether it's doing a lot of sowing or getting to see some of the reaping. God give me strength.

My little soapbox

Jesus is the only way to the Source. I need to write that down and read it to myself. I just want to shout it from the rooftops today, or get on a soapbox and tell everyone. I just had a guy tell me that we're all trying to get to the Source, and that we can get there on our own.
"I've tried that," I responded. "It didn't work. I keep messing up, and it just pulls me into depression because I get so frustrated. I really need someone to carry me to God. That's why Jesus is the treasure of my heart and means everything to me, because I believe that He does just that."
"Jesus doesn't carry you to God. He's just another good prophet to look to as an example for how to live, but he can't actually take you to God. You just need to try harder," he said.

This is the theme of my heart and what I'll be proclaiming until the day I die, no matter what anyone says differently. Jesus means everything to me, and gives me the deepest and richest joy that I've ever known. That's my little soapbox speech for the day. :) Now I'm going to go back to Camden and hand out Bibles to people who come to the book table (NOT because it makes God love me more or helps me get to Him, but because He already broke through into my life and gave me real life, and I want to extend that to others now!). Just needed to do a bit of passionate shouting. Feel like I'm going to burst or something!

Breaking through

Another cultural difference...

Yesterday I was riding in the car with my friend J, who is British and works for another church in London.
Me: What were you up to yesterday?
J: Well, I spent some time painting the toilets at the church.
Me: You were painting the toilets? Isn't that pretty difficult and requires special paint? (I definitely had an image in my head of her painting designs all over the toilets)
J: Well, people have been wanting to redecorate the toilets and put towels up and such, so we've been working on painting them.
Me: Wait, they want to redecorate the toilets? Do you mean that you're painting the walls in the bathrooms of the church?
J: Yep, we're painting the toilets.

British Toilet= bathroom/washroom
After being here for 5 months, I'm surprised it's still taking me this long to realize that "toilets" refers to the room that the toilets are in, not the toilets themselves. But alas... :)

Lately I've been struggling with feeling like I've fallen through the cracks in life. Last night I was walking to the store and all of a sudden I felt like I got kicked in the stomach. It dawned on me that my whole support network and community that I've known and loved for so long isn't here. It's all new... It's like I'm starting over with everything. Making videos and emailing them to friends back home isn't the same as sitting across from them and laughing about something that happened 5 years ago. I can't find Halls in the grocerystore when my throat is sore. The accumulation of my material life is boxed up in a crawlspace in northern Ontario. They don't have toaster ovens here, and I don't have an oven. How do I make pizza? People ask me what I do for a living, and I don't know what to say now, but, "I help network for a churchplant." "What does that entail?" they ask. "Pretty much talking to people," I laugh. I can't call up my sister and ask if I can come up for the afternoon and hang out with her and the kids. Almost everyone is getting married or in serious relationships. I live in a city so crowded and huge that I feel like a speck walking down the street. Sometimes I just want to yell out, "We are all significant!" JESUS MAKES ME SIGNIFICANT. Everything else around me feels new, raw, unpredictable, and out of control. Sometimes I just want to scream. But Jesus is my significance. This is something I really long to know and believe deeply. If Jesus doesn't make me significant, then what's the point of it all? He's the only thing worth living for, and with all this dying to self that I feel like I'm going through, He stands there with His arms wide open and says, "E, you belong to Me."

This is what I got to be a part of last night:




We opened up a very big, old High Anglican Church on one of the busiest streets in Camden from 10pm-5am. We had beer bottles and an egg thrown at the bulding, but that wasn't anywhere big enough to stop more than 115 people from walking in and talking with us about life and God (take that, Satan!). Some were drunk, some were tipsy, some were high, many were clear-headed, and all of them saw church portrayed a little differently than what they think it's about.

Tastes of Home

I've been told that the 4-6 month marker is one of the hardest periods in an adjustment to a new place. Personally, I would find that to be pretty accurate right now. I've been having a lot of moments when I've thought, "Lord, what in the world am I doing here?" or more often than not just really missing people back home and doing a lot of grieving. But in all of these feelings, frustrations, and bouts of lonliness, I've been noticing something pretty special- the kindness and care of my heavenly Father. And in one very tangible category that I've seen Him reaching His hand out and holding me is through providing me with tastes of home to encourage me along the way. I know that there are many that I've experienced that I totally didn't notice or took for granted (like rice pudding, conversations with my parents over the past few weeks, some encouraging emails and skype chats with people, etc), but here are a few that stand out a lot:

Getting to have lunch with my friend B, who was flying through on the way home. That was like a breath of fresh air!

-a care package from my cousin's kids, including letters that all of them had written to me, telling me that they're praying for me.


A massive bag of my favourite chocolate bar, which I can't get over here. Thanks to my sister's fiancee, who was over this week on business and brought me a big ol' bag of 'em (also very nice to have dinner with him and talk family).


A walk in the Autumn-struck woods on the east-end of London.





And to put a cherry on top of it all, I get to see my dear sister and brother-in-law today. So I just want to thank Jesus for these reminders of His care and love for me. It's like one of my team leaders told me on Thursday morning, "Your world is really good, E." Thanks Lord.

Being in London

A fellow apprentice friend recently wrote out things that she likes and misses with being in London. I thought I'd do the same!

SOME THINGS I LIKE ABOUT LONDON:

-There are coffee shops on almost every corner of the city. mmm... mochas!
-The independent, tiny bookshops around Leicester Square, where you can go hide in a corner down faraway and get lost in a book.
-The many big parks spread around the city that provide a nice oasis from the crazy busyness going on around them.
-The tube system--> while it's not the most enjoyable experience for me, it is amazing how huge the Underground is, and how easy it is to get around.
-My landlord. She gets stuff done fast when there are problems in my flat! :)
-YumChaa Tea shop on Parkway in Camden. It's fun being on a first-name basis with some of the workers there now. I even ventured behind the counter to help clean up today!
-My flat... It's starting to feel cozy.
-The history of this place. There is so much!
-Getting to stand outside Westminster Abbey and dream about the amazing discussions and worship services that have gone on in that place. mmm... church history!
-Dinner with good friends who are also trying to navigate through the big adjustment of being in cross-cultural missions and fulltime ministry.
-How ontime and regular the bus system is here. London has it figured out!
-Crisp, Autumn days with sunshine. I can't take it for granted! I hear that the "Grey Days" are coming!
-Tea outreach on Saturday nights, and talking to people at book table on Thursdays... Hearing people ask, "May I have a Bible, please?" Gives me shivers!

SOME THINGS THAT I MISS WITH BEING IN LONDON:

-Playing boardgames with S and N.
-How easy it was to bike over to my sister's and have dinner with them.
-My church community in Toronto... Missing that a lot.
-My bike, and the accessibility that it provides.
-Having an oven. I miss how easy it was to bake and having the space to have big groups of people over.
-Rolling down grassy hills and playing Monster with my niece and nephews.
-Autumn at the cottage, and getting to sit on the dock on a crisp Saturday morning and hear nothing.
-The girls.
-Driving... Didn't do it a ton in Toronto, but it was nice when I needed to.
-Dance parties with my housemates.

When you think you've hit the bottom,
and the bottom gives way.
And you fall into a darkness,
no words can explain.
You don't know how you'll make it out alive;
Jesus will meet you there.

He knows the way to whereever you are.
He knows the way to the depths of your heart.
He knows the way, because He's already been where you're going.
Jesus will meet you there.

When you've failed again,
And all your second chances have been used.
And the heavy weight of guilt and shame
is crushing down on you.
And all you have is one last cry for help.
Jesus will meet you there.

He knows the way to whereever you are.
He knows the way to the depths of your heart.
He knows the way, because He's already been where you're going.
Jesus will meet you there.

-Steven Curtis Chapman

Beauty in the broken

Wind

Last Monday I had the chance to go out to a retreat centre located on the outer edge of London. A bunch of the other women from the mission in London were there, and the purpose was to spend the day alone with God. One of my favourite moments in the day (along with getting to pet some beautiful donkies) was finding a hill in the middle of a big field, and sitting down in the grass. It was a beautiful day, and I couldn't see anyone. It was quiet, and the grass was just high enough to watch the wind rip through it. I'd sit there and hold my breath as the shadows of the wind moved through the field towards me, and then all of a sudden "shadows" of the wind were on me and I would feel a burst of air. It was amazing! I couldn't see the wind, but I could see and feel the effects of the wind.

Bob, our field director here, was recently talking to us about how we're in the inbetween time. There was the Old Age, but when Christ came, he ushered in the New Age. Now we're in a period where we still feel some of the effects of the Old Age (sickness, terrorism, death, lonliness, etc), but we also taste some of the New Age. And there is coming a day when Christ will return, and the Old Age will be completely abolished, and we will only experience the New Age (amen!).

This afternoon I sat on another patch of grass. This grass was cut short, and it was surrounded by city, and I wasn't alone. I sat with a girl whom I've befriended here. We talked about death, and she told me that she gets so scared when she thinks of dying, because she doesn't know what's to come. She thinks she believes in a heaven and hell, but "isn't that just another idea. No one really knows, right?" I experienced a different Wind moving in her as we talked about how there has to be something more to life than just living and dying (Doesn't history itself and all its atrocities show that we are so in need of saving?). I didn't have all the answers, and I fumbled with my words, and looking back, I should have brought Jesus into the conversation more. But I know that the Holy Spirit ("Wind") was poking at her heart.

Sitting on the hill last week and watching the wind weave through the grass, and feeling bursts of it on my face was similar to today. I can't see the wind, but I know it's there because I can see it at work. Sometimes I feel huge bursts of it against my face, and I can barely breathe because it feels so delightful (like conversations like today). And other times I struggle with feeling alone on that hill, wanting so much to just be able to SEE the "Wind" and stop struggling to really believe that it's all around me and moving in people's hearts. It was encouraging to see the effects of the "Wind" today, after my time on the hill last week, and be challenged to look for it more around me.

Psalm 34 was part of my reading this morning. I had forgotten how RICH and FULL OF PROMISES AND HOPE this psalm holds. I loved going back to it this evening and meditating on the words. God is so faithful and good and full of mercy.

Awkward conversation #323, or something like that!

So I'm on the Eurostar last night, heading back to London, and trying to distract myself from the fact that I'm in the chunnel, underneath tons of water.
The guy sitting next to me (who is British, has a PhD, and is probably my dad's age) and I are talking about the European Union, and some of the negatives impacts it has on the economy (like I know anything about that!).
Before I go any further, let's just say that on the topic of "Britain", I feel like I could list off credentials like the Apostle Paul- I've lived/studied in the UK for a year before this experience, I have English relatives, I can successfully cross the street now without worrying about being hit, I say "flat" instead of "apartment" when talking on the phone with friends back home, AND, I'm an adult. Pretty good credentials, I think. But maybe not?
Me to the learned man sitting next to me: So does the UK feel a lot of pressure to join the EU?
Learned man: hahaha! The UK has been a part of the EU since the 70s!
Me, feeling like a complete idiot (so long "credentials"!): aha aha... I am so ignorant.

Um, I THINK I knew that?

Some recent conversations that prove I'm...

A: Losing my hearing... OR
B: Losing my mind!

Case in point:

1. While the engineer was installing my internet on Tuesday, we started chatting about markets in London.
Internet guy: You should go check out Wembley Market.
Me: Where's that?
Internet guy: In Wembley.
Me: Right. I realized as soon as that question came out of my mouth, that it sounded ridiculous.
(Perhaps that's partly why he put the website up on my computer once he installed my internet. He probably thought I didn't know how to search for it!)

2. This morning at 7:45am, a friend was giving me a tour of her new flat before we drove to apprentice lectures. When I was introduced to her flatmate, I asked, "Where are you from?"
Flatmate: South... (I heard 'Brixton').
Me (assuming that it was somewhere in south England): I grew up in Canada, so my geography isn't that good. Where abouts is that?
Flatmate: In the south of Africa, like it sounds.
Me (slightly embarrassed as I start putting 2+2 together): Nice.

2 minutes later when getting into the car with my friend...
Me: Where did your flatmate say she was from?
Friend: South Africa!
Me: Yeah, that was embarrassing. I just basically told her that Canadians don't know where that is!

3. This afternoon when I was trying to catch the tube to a friend's house, along with a bunch of other people, I had to "top up" on my oyster card (kind of like a metropass). I went to a machine that had a "notes" (bills) slot and put my 10 pounds in. The machine ate my money and wouldn't give it back. I was eventually able to get an Underground employee to come and open up to the machine and reimburse me. My friend came up to see what the problem was. She pointed to the machine and said, "E, the sign right above you says 'Cards and coins only. No notes.'" Yeah. Thankful for patient friends.

4. And tonight, while riding the tube home with those same friends, we were talking about organic produce and good food choices. They were telling me that they think I'd appreciate seeing "Food Inc", except that it might really make me not want to eat meat anymore.
Friend: Yeah, it's pretty harmful for the ____ (I heard "firemen").
Me: Pardon me?
Friend: It's pretty harmful for the ____ (still heard "firemen").
She kept on explaining her point while I sat there very perplexed, trying to figure out how firemen and poor animal conditions are related. Are the factories and storehouses more likely to burn down, causing more fires for the firemen to go to? Are chickens that aren't fed well more likely to catch fire? Do poor animal conditions include burning them? Ah! I don't get it!
Friend: It's just so bad for the environment.
Me: Oh! It's harmful for the environment, NOT the firemen! I get it!

Today during a lecture, WHM's field leader for England, who was teaching a great seminar, told us that most humans only use about 10% of their brain. I think this week proved that I usually only use 5%.

Let's take a poll...

I was just talking on the phone with a good friend whom I lived with throughout university and then in Toronto. Needless to say, she's well acquainted with many of my quirks and weird sayings. As we were getting off of the phone, she said, "Bye friend! No wait, that sounds kind of Amish." I responded that I have been saying "Bye friend" for as long as I can remember, and that she's never made that comment to me before. But after hearing her make that remark, I've been wondering if it does sound like I grew up on a farm. Earlier this evening, a friend here in Camden mentioned how it's crazy how long I've lived in cities... that I've spent most of my life living in cities, but that I don't come across as urban, since I crave the outdoors so much (which I would argue I love because it's refreshing and relaxing, not because I want to live out by the cows for life). So now I'm wondering if my first 8 years of Lancaster County living amongst the Amish and Mennonite people have continued to leave such a significant impression on me that it still affects how I speak ("I'm not sure, friend"), and also makes me long to run through grassy fields most of the times I'm walking down London streets. Any thoughts?

Day Hike in the Surrey Hills

I spent my day off hiking with my friend Megan. We took the train out to the hills of Surrey, and had a lovely day tromping through fields and forests!

I read this in my assigned reading this afternoon, and thought it was very encouraging:
"If we are to follow the example of Christ, we must aim at incarnation! Jesus said, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself' (Matt. 16:24). We must be willing to give up our [North] American Christian lifestyle and begin as children, learning at the feet of those we have gone to serve. We must be willing to become world Christians. The challenges will shake us, the changes will trouble us. Our bodies will get sick, our minds will suffer fatigue, our emotion will sweep us from ectasy to depression. Yet the love of Christ will sustain us so that we can identify with Paul, who said, 'I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do this all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings' (1 Cor. 9:22-23)." -Ministering Cross-Culturally (not sure who the author is)

(Yes, that's a Rhino)

Dear feet,
I just wanted to take a moment and thank you for hanging in there with all this walking we've been doing lately. I know I've asked you to step it up a bit, pick up the pace, and make due with running around Camden everyday. Ya done good. What a pair you make! Your neighbours upstairs, the Knees, have been complaining about all the stress I've been putting on them, so I can only imagine that you're feeling a tad of resentment with all this walking, too. I can tell your frustration comes to a surface with the blisters, the odour, the swelling. So here's a bit of affirmation and thanks for sticking together and getting me where I've needed to go.
While we're on the topic of walking, I wanted to ask a favour. Would you mind just picking yourselves up a bit and not tripping over all the cracks? It's become a daily occurrence where the rest of the body goes flying forward because you two can't seem to pull yourselves up. I don't know how you manage to do it everyday, but I know you get a kick out of it, especially since it's always infront of strangers.
The rest of the body that you're attached to thanks you kindly!
Sincerely,
The rest of your body

Thankful!

I'm so thankful that I get to serve over here in the 21st century, where there's the such thing as internet! I was thinking this morning about stories that my dad used to tell me of when his family was living in Germany. When he went back to the States for school, he said a phonecall back to Germany cost $50, so they only talked at Christmastime. He'd record letters onto tapes and then mail them to my grandparents! Last night I got to talk with that grandma, who has exchanged sides of the ocean with my parents (and now me!), for free over my computer! I also got to call a dear friend back home, and I loved hearing her surprise from the other end of the line on her cell(yay no more scheduling skype chats! Thank you, Mr Google!).
This morning I went online and listened to a GOOD sermon by John Piper. Then I went to another site to listen to some worship music that I wanted to sing in acknowledgement and thanksgiving for the Gospel message I had just heard!
Just feeling very thankful for that today!

I know I'm working through cultural transitions when...

(this is what I feel like on the inside a lot of the time!)
-Finding the right lightbulb at the store feels like a success and makes me want to jump in the air and say "Yippee" (and then call someone to say "Guess what?! I found a lightbulb!!"). It only took 2 tries and bringing the lamp along with me to the store! haha! Who knew that there could be so many different sizes and shapes of sockets for a desk lamp? (You should have seen the storeman's face when I pulled a lamp out of my bag!)

-I get excited to feel movement of air when riding on the tube, where they don't have AC (My hair is always frizzier when I get off!).

-Another man stops me on the street and asks if I want to be his personal care assistant. Instead of just walking on, I stop and begin to explain how I work for a church and am under a "Tier 5 visa", which means I can't work for other organizations. Nice one, E. At least you didn't give him your number when he asked for it.



-I am too mentally tired and forget that I have something on the burner until I start smelling smoke. (Good thing the landlord supplied a fire extinguisher, just incase. She must have known...)

-I regularly find myself in a death metal pub. Two months ago, I didn't know they had those kinds of pubs, let alone what they're yelling in their songs! (I'm still trying to find an appropriate black t-shirt to wear. I think the pub owner finds my floral patterned t-shirt a little offensive! haha! Oh well... that's me!)

-one of the biggest highlights of the day is crawling into bed and reading "Lord of the Rings".

-I long so much to go for a hike in the country that I start wearing my trail runners around town... Probably not the most fashionable... and keep my headlamp by my bed.

Solomon's Benediction

"Blessed be the LORD who has given rest to his people Israel, according to all that he promised. Not one word has failed of all his good promise, which he spoke by Moses his servant. The LORD our God be with us, as he was with our fathers. May he not leave us nor forsake us, that he may incline our hearts to him, to walk in all his ways and to keep his commandments, his statutes, and his rules, which he commanded our fathers. Let these words of mine, with which I have pleaded before the LORD, be near to the LORD our God day and night, and may he maintain the cause of his servant and the cause of his people Israel, as each day requires, that all the peoples of the earth may know that the LORD is God; there is no other. Let your heart therefore be wholly true to the LORD our God, walking in his statutes and keeping his commandments, as at this day." 1 Kings 8:56-61

I love how Solomon prayed this benediction thousands of years ago, and it's still totally relevant and applicable to the cry of my heart today.

Bus Ride

This morning I got on the bus to head to our morning team prayer meeting. A mother and her adolescent daughter sat down across from me, and it was sweet to hear them talking to eachother. They just really seemed to have a good relationship, and it was obvious that the mother cared a lot for her daughter, and the daughter respected her mom a lot. I overheard the mother asking the daughter if she remembered what stop she needed to get on at to come home later in the day. They got off half way through my ride, and another mother and daughter got on and sat down across from me. The mother's hair was very short and thinning, and she looked very frail, weak, and in pain. The 20-something daughter leaned across to me and said, "Excuse me, do you have any water?" "I'm so sorry, but I don't. I have a banana if you'd like it, but no water." We began to all talk, but the mother's head was down most of the time, like the chemo must be really hitting her hard today. The daughter asked a woman across from us for some water, retrieved the bottle, took out a big pill and gave it to her mom. Her mother must have really needed it, because she drank straight from a stranger's bottle. She struggled to swallow it. "That's a big pill," I said. "It must be really hard to swallow it." I got off the bus on High Street and started crying. "This is the present value of the blood of Jesus," I thought. Right before my very eyes, I saw the huge role reversal that might take place in that adolescent's life in 20 years. I saw a woman in agony from cancer, and a daughter lovingly caring for her, after her mom had taken care of her for so many years. Sometimes the amount of suffering in this world is overwhelming. This morning was a huge reminder to me of how Jesus meets us in the suffering and pain, and He understands (Our morning reading this morning included, "Now the men who were holding Jesus in custody were mocking him as they beat him. They also blindfolded him and kept asking him, 'Prophesy! Who is it that struck you?' And they said many things against him, blaspheming him." -Luke 22:63-65). I really don't know how people can get through life without Him, without the promise of a day that's coming where this suffering will be gone (Rev 21:4).

What's the deal?

I think that I should start a blog that's centred primarily on conversations I keep having with random men while I'm walking down the street. Take that back, because they're not even conversations! They're always awkward comments directed at me, while I'm passing by on my way somewhere, comments that have little room for a proper response.
Today's case in point:
I was returning from running some errands, and was standing at the corner waiting to cross. There was a man there, who looked at me and said, "Wow! Beautiful women are right here! Hey there!" I tried to catch the eye of the woman standing next to me waiting for the light to change, but she had headphones on. So I just ignored it and walked home. Two hours later, I was back out to pick up some things, and happened to be on the same side of the street. I should have dodged over to the other side, but it's busy, and he saw me before I knew what was going on. He past me and encouraged me not to pay a lot of money to marry rich, because I'm apparently so beautiful I don't need to marry for money. What does that mean?! My first thought was that perhaps he's read a lot of Jane Austen books. My second thought was that these encounters have been so much more common over here than back home, and I don't know why! Besides Lady Gaga man from the hostel who told me that he wanted to "kiss my accent", no one knows that I'm a foreigner before they make those comments or give those looks (shudder). My hair is poofier and crazier over here because of the rain, I wear the same stuff that I always have, and most of the time I'm trying so hard to figure out where I'm going that I'm bumping into things/people and looking quite clumsy. No wonder I like that Lily Allen song so much.

Psalm 139

This morning during intern debrief, we spent some time sitting in Psalm 139. The Holy Spirit really encouraged me through seeing some verses differently than I have before.
This was my version of vv7-12:

"Where can I go from Your presence, Holy Spirit?
My rebellious heart has tried to flee before, and You still faithfully pursue me.
When things are going well, You're right here.
When I am struggling in the pit of loneliness and fear, You are right here.
If I am living on the other side of the ocean in London, even there Your hand is upon me, and You will hold me firmly and lovingly, Lord (Thank You, Jesus!).

When I've said, 'Camden is too dark. I don't know where Jesus is here.'
Or have really struggled with confusion over things that I know are true,
You are so much bigger and brighter than any darkness I face.
You are all-powerful, and nothing is too difficult for You.
Amen."

Today

I'm so thankful for the beauty of God's creation, and that there are opportunities to get out of the city and sit on piers looking at this.

Missing

Tonight I'm missing summertime dinners at the cottage with my family. I miss sitting on the dock in the late afternoon with a good book and some fruit, while the loons call at eachother from across the lake. And I miss sitting on the couch at night, with a big fire crackling, contemplating whether I should indulge in a s'more. I'm thankful for that place.

Tring

Today was my day off, so I hopped on a train and took it to Tring, a village in the foothills of the Chilterns. I grabbed a trail map when I arrived at the station, and think I did about a 20km walk through fields, pastures, groves, forests- the whole like! It was amazing!

Take that

Our hostel room gets rather toasty some nights, so we keep the window by my bed open to let air circulate. Part of living in Camden has involved getting use to the crazy night-life that goes on here. It's not all "a whole new world" (begin Aladddin song). I use to get woken up regularly at 4am to people yelling at eachother at the McDonald's Drive-thru by my house in Toronto. All that to say, the night-life here is pretty rowdy, and especially living in the room above the entrance to the hostel. Lots of people smoke here, so the smell of cigarettes is often wafting up into our room, along with lots of noise at hours of the day when people are suppose to be sleeping. Last night I got a little tired of it, so I dumped the remains from my Nalgene water bottle out the window to see what would happen (passive, I know). "Wait for it... wait for it." The talking stopped, and I heard someone shout, "You idiot!" (Who, me?)Then the talking ceased, quite quickly after the whole thing. I slept great!

Dying to myself

I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to die to myself, and find real life in Jesus. Part of me has thought that I did a lot of dying to myself when I moved over here. Part of me is beginning to realize that dying to self is a daily thing, and not a one-time event or occasion. Yesterday in our team devotions, Dan read from Acts 14- "... encouraging them to continue in the faith, and saying that through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God." When we were walking through the market later that day, we started talking about the passage in Luke 9, about daily taking up our crosses for Jesus. And the cool thing was that this morning at our prayer meeting in the market, the stall owner leading took us through that very passage.
Being here in Camden is me being a part of the hands and feet of Jesus here. We are the reflection of Jesus in this place, but that involves daily dying to our own pursuits and desires and schedules and attitudes, and taking on the righteousness of Christ and trusting that His ways are the best and most rewarding, because He is calling us to be part of an eternal kingdom that is bigger than what we see.
"And he said to all, 'If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.'"
Taking up my cross here doesn't just involve me, it involves being willing to suffer for the sake of others, because I want them to experience the lasting reward of knowing Jesus. This verse outlines that losing myself in Jesus comes before the reward (the "saving"). And that's a hard thing, because I'm called to jump in and have faith that He is faithful in all of this. I feel this challenge and call to come and die to myself a lot, and it's hard! It can be the "smallest" or "biggest" thing. It could mean going to bed earlier at night, so that I am more awake in morning prayer meetings. It could mean having to give up being in my lifelong friend's wedding in November, because I can't fly back to NA for it. It could mean walking down High street at a slower pace, so that I actually take in what's going on around me and pray for the people walking past me. It could mean letting Jesus meet me in the lonliness when I am wishing for a friend to do something with.
I'm realizing that it's okay to admit that taking up my daily cross for Jesus should involve small and big sufferings.And the fullness of Jesus will meet me in those times, because He's told me that in the dying to self, He offers life to the fullest!

"All that we Christians are called upon to do, all we can do, is to be an open watercourse for the divine love. We do not create any part of it; it would be an arrogant illusion to think we did. We must not blockade it; if we did, we would be the adversaries of God, not His children. We are simply to reflect it, back to Him and out to His world. Our calling is to give it free flow.

That means we are never generous. We never give any gifts. We are merely to be the channel for the good gifts which come in a steady stream from God. He expects us to take the vitality, which he pours into our veins, and the money, which He has given to us in trust, and to see to it that they are spent for the things that are closest to His heart. It is all that simple- and imperative. LORD, KEEP THE CONDUIT THAT LEADS THROUGH ME FROM BEING CLOGGED!"
-"The Source and the Flow," a 1967 stewardship article

Hello awkward hostel situation

Walking out of the hostel this morning on my way to the prayer meeting...
Middle-Aged Man (known as "Lady Gaga man" among our team, since he seems to like her music a lot!) staying at the hostel: "Good morning, Elizabeth!"
Me: "Good morning! How's it going?"
Lady Gaga Man: "Good! I like your accent."
Me (slightly confused, since this isn't the first time I've talked to him): "Oh, thanks."
Lady Gaga Man: "I want to kiss your accent."
Me (now past confused and onto creeped out): "Um, I have no idea how to respond to that." ...Picking up my pace as I continue walking down the street away from the hostel. I think I'll stay close by the interns this evening.

Camdentown

Toes toes toes!

This morning in our Camden staff-team meeting, I was sitting on a chair with my toes apparently curled around the leg of the seat. My teammate Oli prays with his eyes open. After we had finished praying, he told me that he was freaking out during the prayer, because the way my foot was positioned, it looked like I didn't have any toes! He said that he began wondering how in the world he had never noticed that before, and what kind of accident I must have been in to cause that kind of damage. "Surely I should have known that Elizabeth doesn't have toes on one of her feet. We were even at a picnic the other week with everyone, and I didn't notice! How does she walk?" I reminded him throughout the morning that my toes are infact all there.

God is the Ruler yet

This is my Father's world.
O let me ne'er forget
that though the wrong seems oft so strong,
God is the ruler yet.

I really needed to hear these words today. The spiritual oppression in Camden seems so so strong. It almost feels like it's not part of His domain, and the darkness is so dark. I've never been in a place where Jesus seems so far away, and I'm feeling weary of the spiritual battle, and scared that I've only been here for a couple of weeks. I long to believe that He is really here and present, and I'm scared that I'm feeling this way. I'm scared that I don't know the answer to "What difference would He make here?" right now. But S reminded me this afternoon that this is part of being in a churchplant position in a place like Europe, and that I need to be asking for much prayer in the battle right now.

Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are god

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust

Some Things that I really like about Londoners

-When you're getting off the phone with a Londoner, they almost always say "bye" repeatedly. "Bye, bye, goodbye, bye."
-Most people I smile at here return the smile! yay!
-People here in Camden will almost always stop what they're doing to have a conversation.

ie: Me to the guy at the phone store yesterday (who had already told me that he was short-staffed and exhausted)- "Do you recommend a good place to watch the match tonight?"
Phone guy- "I was just going to ask you that! Do you know of any good places around here?"

-The underground tube drivers have personalities when they make announcements about delays... "Right, we're just sitting here for 30 seconds. I had a bit of a heavy foot on the pedal."

The Street-sweeper

Your head was hung low, like you were feeling defeated. I saw you walking down High Street with a broom in your hands, sweeping up the garbage that we've all left on the ground. I wondered what thoughts were running through your head as you picked up after others. Did you feel frustrated that you were always cleaning up after people who seemed so rushed and in a hurry? Did you ever get a "thank you"? Did you spend all day listening to your ipod and your own thoughts and not feeling like anyone walking past really cared about YOU. Do you know that you're loved by Someone who really cares about everything that's going on in your life, and everything that's wearing you down?

I tapped you on the shoulder, and your head came up from the ground. Your eyes looked so sad. "Thank you for cleaning up the streets. It makes a big difference here in Camden." I just felt like you needed to hear that today. You looked at me, your eyes red from exhaustion or crying. You looked back down at the grounnd and then back at me, and I could tell that you really needed to hear that today.

That was on Tuesday, and I still find myself sitting here feeling burdened for you. I don't know your name, but I'm praying that you know the deep, rich love and joy of Jesus today. He cares about you. His yoke is easy and His burden is light.

"Take that" Bad Pizza Experience!

The bad pizza experience on Saturday was definitely redeemed last night, as our team went out for Italian! Hollah! :) We were joined by a lady who has been over here for 7 years working on a ministry to help women who have been trapped in the sex-trade industry of London. I got shivers hearing her talk about ways that God has been at work, not only in women's lives, but also for the ways that He's used campaigns against the demand side of prostitution (she's helped to change legislature here on human rights, as well as some other crazy stuff). Some of the interns are going to be helping her out this summer, and I'm really excited to see how I can help throughout the year. This is definitely an area that I've been feeling burdened about and want to serve in.

Today is the first day in many where I've woken up to grey skies. I've been told that this very sunny summer in London is not normal at all. Another reason to say "Bless the Lord"!

Bless the Lord, O my soul

Some reasons for me to say "Bless the Lord" (Psalm 103) today:

-I ran into TWO people I know while running by the canal this morning! YAY for knowing some people in a new place.
-Had breakfast with close family friends who were travelling through London. So nice to see some familiar faces.
-Hanging out with M and T in Hounslow this afternoon.
-I found out today that the tea shop that I've already deemed my favourite has wireless, which definitely makes it the place I will hang out lots in!

Pizza?

My fellow apprentice-friends and I spent our afternoon off exploring Hyde Park and enjoying a picnic in the grass today. We then ventured over to Picadilly Circus, where we lazed in Starbucks for a couple of hours and read (so nice!). Then the best part came, the part I had been looking forward to all day!! PIZZA!! And not just any kind of pizza, but real American pizza- cheesy, tomatoey goodness ontop of steaming, soft crust, or so we had hoped. Enter "Scotch Steak Houses" restaurant, the name itself should have said something, as we walked inside to be greeted by the same Celine Dion song "Asian style" being played over and over again, in a definite Chinese restaurant atmosphere. But the sign outside said "Pizza Pizza Pasta", so sat down we did, right by the window. Toph, Megan, and I looked over the menu and didn't see pizza, so we thought we had entered the wrong place. We awkwardly got up to leave, but the server brought us a lamanated piece of paper with pizzas on it, so we sat back down. We ordered two presumably medium-sized pizzas, but when they served them, they were the size of a dinner plate. I looked down at my Hawaiian pizza, and noticed that there was no cheese on it. It looked like frozen pizza crust topped with some stuff, but no cheese. I asked the waitress, who informed me that cheese wasn't on the list of toppings in the menu. "Oh, I just assumed that cheese came on pizza. Where we're from, we have cheese on pizza." We left the place as quickly as possible, having eaten a couple of bites and not being too keen on it. It was probably one of the weirdest pizzas I'd ever had. Upon leaving the Scotish/Asian/Italian/American/Pick a culture restaurant, we turned the corner on the street to see a large Pizza Hut sitting right smack dab infront of us. "Don't look!" Megan said to me. But I did, and the people inside were eating soft, warm, gooey pizza, with LOTS of cheese ontop. Next time, next time.

SUCCESS!! I love those days when you feel like you beat the system! Today it was navigating my way around the tube and bus and train system, all in one ride! WOOT! I only had to ask 2 people for help, but that was fun in itself, because one of them was decked out in great attire for the Wimbleton match. :)

The lines

"The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places." Psalm 16:6
This verse came to mind this evening, as I was sitting in my bunk in a tiny Camden hostel room, where my 5 interns and I are camped out for the next 5 weeks (I've been calling it our mini-van, because that's about the size it is!). I've really been feeling a depth of loneliness that's feeling heavy, as the reality of being in this foreign place for a long time sets in, and I long for "tastes" of home. I think I got about 3 hours of sleep last night- our first night in our hostel room. The nightlife of Camden is pretty happening, and there was a ton of noise throughout the night on the street. I got to Hounslow this morning with the 5 interns, really tired and dragging my feet. We were going to help the Southall team with a book table today. And after I ran to Starbucks and grabbed a caffeinated drink, the zombiness started to wear off a bit, and I went around high street chatting with people. It was so so cool and energizing, and great to be out and doing surveys and just talking to people from different places in the world, some who mentioned the loneliness they struggle with (being a young foreigner here provides a good ground for talking). I felt like we had something in common, and I was able to say that I am also new to the country and am struggling with lonliness too. I've been quick to complain that my living conditions for the next month are hard, and that I'm really exhausted and lonely. But this evening it just hit me that in all of that, the lines have fallen in gracious places in my life today, because I know the hope and love and changelessness of Jesus Christ, and I am no longer an alien or orphan (Eph 1), but a daughter of His family. So yeah, things might be hard and lonely, and I might find Camden crazy intimidating right now, but I know the treasure of Jesus, and am no longer walking in darkness, and that's huge and worth sharing!!

On the day that I was flying out to London, Patrik from the Sending Center prayed that Jesus would bring me to the end of myself, and quickly. I feel like I need to email him to tell him that his prayer is being answered.

Lovin' this...

I love evenings out on the green, where we just sit and laugh and tell stories over dinner.

Feeling Heavy

I woke up Monday morning at 3:45 feeling burdened. My stomach felt like it had been gutted or punched. O, from the Camden team, shared some of the church history of Britain that's taken place in the past 100 years. I thought I would write some of it out, so that people can perhaps sense a bit of why I feel so heavy.
-1910: The Ediburgh Missions Conference (They believed they were right in the cusp of seeing the world come to know Jesus).
-1914 to 1919: WWI desimated the leadership of the Church (most male leaders in the church were called to go serve)
-1920 to 1930s: Slight resurgence in churches as people felt that GOd had brought them through the war. THIS IS THE LAST TIME WE'D SEE A LITTLE JUMP IN CHURCH ATTENDANCE.
-1939 to 1945: WWII shook the spirit of the nation. A lot of ministers didn't know how to speak to returning soliders.
-1950s: Billy Graham Crusades started here. A lot of the older generation made commitments and catalyzed evangelicalism in Britain. OF ALL THE BG CRUSADES AROUND THE WORLD, THEY WERE THE LEAST EFFECTIVE IN ENGLAND.
-1960s: Big cultural upheaval. The Church didn't know how to communicate to the people of that generation.
-1965-1970s: Rapid decline in church attendance.
-1970s: Mass immigration into country, along with their worldviews. People here saw that there were alternatives to church. "Spiritual Shopping" began.
-1985-1999: Another rapid decline in church attendance.
-1999-today: Approx 8% of Brits go to church. 1/3 of those people weren't born here.
WHAT TOOK THE CHURCH FROM 900-1900 TO BULID GOT WIPED OUT IN 100 YRS.
*Average age of church goers: 50 yrs.
*2000-2010: 1.1 million people left the church.
*90% of new churchplant growth is from "transwer" growth (Christians coming from other churches).
-By 2020, the Methodist and Catholic Churches are likely to not exist as a local denominational presense.
-By 2030, most denominations will collapse.
THESE ARE SOME OF THE CURRENT TRENDS.

The question that O left us with, in regards to this "Nose Dive Period" of the Church, is does the plane have time to pull up in time? And the hope that I have right now is that these things can be reversed and changed by the power of Holy Spirit. I know that He's not finished here. I know that there's a reason that He's burdened people to be a part of serving Him in the UK. Later on Sunday afternoon, I was talking with O, and he said that he could tell that that talk on trends really hit me. He had seen me sitting there tearing up as he gave the background to the church situation. What's exciting in all of this, he said, is that we could be the change. We're part of a bigger story in God's kingdom building.

Sunday Morning

I felt like I drank from a water hydrant yesterday, with all of the information I heard and observations that were made. Our team went to a High Anglican service in the morning, probably the "highest" that I've been to before. I was glad that we weren't prepped beforehand about it, but had the opportunity to take things in. I was struck with a few observations in particular:
-There were a lot of crucifixes around the church
-I didn't see anyone my age. It was all elderly people or young families
-There was no mention of Jesus in the sermon, but in a positive light, the rector did base his talk on questions that the congregation has been asking (showed a hunger)
-A lot of people welcomed us after the service
-I had a difficult time following the mass, because they did not give much direction through the book of prayer
I think the biggest thing I wondered was how a non-Christian would feel in a service like that. I am a Christian who has grown up going to church, and I had a very hard time following through the service and knowing what was going on, and what different things are for (ie: the incense). How much more difficult and "uninviting" would it be for someone who has never been to church before?
That question plagued me as our team met with a Brit from the Camden team in the afternoon. He told us that we had just experienced what any non-church goer in England would, and that now we can relate more to them.

The first few days here

I stood on High street in Camden this afternoon and suddenly realized that it's already Friday! I had been going through the whole day thinking that it was Thursday. I guess jetlag and full days that kind of blur into one will do that to you. Megan (the other apprentice) and I arrived at 0600 on Tuesday morning. I had never flown British Airways before, and it was excellent, although the guy infront of me kind of invaded my personal space for most of the flight(I'm convinced that the British accent just makes anything sound more professional). I was exhausted getting on the plane in Philly and was hoping that maybe lots of exhaustion + jetlag= no jetlag at all (?). Not the case. After getting picked up at Heathrow, our team leaders lovingly made us stay up ALL day to kick jetlag out of our systems quickly (including running errands and getting phones). I was so exhausted in the middle of my first night here, that I woke up and shot up in bed, panicking for my pillow ("Oh no! Pillowwwwwwwwwwwwww!"), which was in the same place it had been when I went to bed. Welcome, Roommate Megan. I am so thankful that you get to experience my crazy panicky sleep moments so early on in our friendship.

The interns arrived yesterday morning! I was so excited to meet them at the airport! They seem like a really passionate and amazing group of women. Megan and I decided to inflict the same pain on them that our team leaders did and made them stay up all day yesterday, too. :) Today we spent the say in Camden with the team I'll be serving with. More to come, and perhaps it won't be so sarcastic next time! :)

Leaving

Yesterday I was sitting on the GO bus riding into Toronto for the last time. I started thinking about how huge a blessing these past 2 years here have been. When I finished school, I had some job opportunities in the States that I was seriously considering, but for various reasons (including knowing that moving overseas in the near future was a big possibility), I came back to Toronto. I am so thankful for these past 2 years. They have had their challenges, but I've really been seeing fruit in my own life of how the Lord has woven those challenges and trials into gold. And there have been such rich, fun moments and memories! I started tearing up on the bus yesterday (how surprising!), as I thought about the goodness of God, and how amazing a community of family, friends, and church He has provided for me. I am so excited for this new opportunity in Camden. I'm also really thankful that I'm feeling such bittersweet emotions about picking up my roots and moving over there on Sunday. I love how deeply rooted I felt here. "Being home" showed itself so many times in the form of the beautiful people that God has put into my life here.

This Treasure Within

I never thought I'd blog again, but I'm going to give it a try while I'm living in Camden and see how it goes! I think it could be a good way to write stories and thoughts that I want to share, and let people read it if/when they want!

"This Treasure Within" comes from a passage in 2 Corinthians 4 that I've been drawn back to a lot recently. For example, on Saturday, I found myself sitting on an airplane flying back to Toronto, chatting with the physician next to me. This guy was definitely an interesting conversationalist! The question "What do you do?" came up pretty early in our chat, and I was able to describe a bit about what I'll be doing in London this next year wtih World Harvest. We moved on to a discussion on healthcare, and different experiences that we've had as health professionals. It got to the point where he made the comment "You know, I think all religions are beneficial for the healthcare system, because they all promote care and a helping nature." I stared at him blankly, as all of a sudden my heart yelped, "But I have this HOPE, this treasure, within me. And that Treasure, Jesus, who conquerred my sin on the cross, changes everything." The Treasure of Jesus gives me a lasting security that nothing else and no one else can give. He gives me hope that there is more to this life than living and dying and going through each day. Jesus gives me JOY, joy that can meet in any circumstance. And the older I get, the more and more I hold dear to the fact that Jesus' love will never fail me. I'm going to Camden because I long to share this Treasure within me with fellow broken people in my generation. And that Treasure changes everything and meets us anywhere.