Yesterday I heard myself saying to a friend that having mono has been a blessing in my life! I never thought I'd be able to say that, but God has been doing some amazing shaping and renovating in my heart. I don't like having it. I don't like having chronic achy muscles and days where I can't do much, or run down the street to catch a bus, but God has been using it to show me the Gospel in a fresh new way, and that's a big blessing and joy to me, despite the frustrations and difficulties. I've never been in a state this long where I see my limitations and inabilities so right in my face, and just have to stop. The head knowledge of knowing that my worth is not found in what I can do is really seeping down into my frozen heart and melting it to really be able to know that and believe it. I'm learning about what it means to find my competency and adequacy (2 Cor 3) in Christ instead of in my gifts and abilities, and that my weaknesses leave more ground for God to move and show His glory and power in my circumstances. And that I am lovely in God's sight, because He is my Father and cares for me and delights in me just the same on slower days and "nonproductive" days than when I'm out in Camden doing "ministry".
"...for which I suffer hardship even to imprisonment as a criminal; but the word of God is not imprisoned (ESV: bound)." 2 Tim 2:9 I am so thankful that even though I am bound in my physical state right now, God's word is not bound and held down, but He is alive and not leaving me in a place of despair, but moving me to a place of deep contentment and joy in the midst of my physical imprisonment with Mono. What a beautiful God we serve. Who can compare?
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