Pressing on...

On Tuesday afternoon, I was sitting in my favourite coffee shop working on some admin stuff, and I knew that my body wasn't feeling normal. I could tell that I was feeling the mono again. I packed up my things and went home, got into my flat, dropped my things on the floor, and had to lie on my bed for 3 hours before picking myself up to make some dinner. I laid there with tears in my eyes, "God, why didn't I pace myself better these past 3 weeks? I thought I was setting limits and staying in more in the evenings. I can't bear the thought of going through those last 2 months again. I pray that I would wake up feeling alright tomorrow." But Wednesday morning came around, and I couldn't get out of the house until 4pm, and that was to get some food. It's been easy for me to go to a self-condemning place where I feel a lot of guilt for not "doing better" at taking care of myself, or being "too excited" to get back into the opportunities that are here. But that's not the Gospel, and yeah, I could have done a better job, but I know that God is FAITHFUL and SOVEREIGN over all of this, and this is all part of His plan for my life right now. On Sunday afternoon, I was skyping with a dear friend, and feeling tired, but not too bad. God laid it on her heart to share from Exodus about how God's timing in all things is perfect, and reminding me of how He keeps His promises, and Moses had to come to the end of himself and ask why he was called, and God answered and came to the rescue. And even in sharing that, God showed His power, and used that to prepare me for relapsing back into mono on Tuesday afternoon.
My sinful nature tends to get all panicky in these kinds of situations. I begin to worry about things in the future- what if this lasts for months? I'm in a foreign country on support- what if people stop supporting me? What if I can't finish my term here? My family is all spread out, where would I go? What if I gain weight because I can't exercise... Or I lose too much weight because I'm not eating enough? Don't I serve a bigger God than all of those things? Isn't He so much greater than all of those cares? Hasn't He shown His faithfulness throughout my life, throughout history?
"Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS; again I say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. THE LORD IS NEAR. Be anxious for NOTHING, but in EVERYTHING by prayer and supplication WITH THANKSGIVING let your requests be known to God." Phil 4:4-6

What if God is calling me to grow in the knowledge of Him right now? I know I need that. I hunger for it. What if this gives me more opportunity to see my prayer life strengthen. I know I need that too. He is near, even when I'm alone and uncomfortable. He calls me to not worry about anything, but to bring all things before Him and lay them at His feet and give Him thanks for who He is and how He is going to show His power in this season. I am so thankfulf or His word.