This evening was our team Christmas dinner, so I tried to venture out for the first time in a few days. I made it down to Camden on the bus, and had to turn around because I felt too sick to keep going to the restaurant. I got so frustrated and started crying on the walk home. Then I noticed that my frustration moved towards people around me on the street, like I was taking it out on them or something. I prayed that God would uproot the anger that's inside and soften my heart. I felt very ashamed that I was getting mad at people around me.
I am very often in need of asking the Lord to forgive me and work in my heart, but I notice that I am even more sensitive and edgey when I am sick. Maybe that is one of the blessings that Paul talks about with suffering; it highlights to me even more how much I need saving and healing from Jesus, because I am so quick to complain, get frustrated and angry, worry, idolize. I am so thankful and in awe that in all of Jesus' suffering, He never sinned. And because He never did, He absorbed all of mine and isn't surprised by how wayward my heart is. I'm really thankful for the cross this evening, and that by His wounds, I'm spiritually healed.