Dying to myself

I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to die to myself, and find real life in Jesus. Part of me has thought that I did a lot of dying to myself when I moved over here. Part of me is beginning to realize that dying to self is a daily thing, and not a one-time event or occasion. Yesterday in our team devotions, Dan read from Acts 14- "... encouraging them to continue in the faith, and saying that through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God." When we were walking through the market later that day, we started talking about the passage in Luke 9, about daily taking up our crosses for Jesus. And the cool thing was that this morning at our prayer meeting in the market, the stall owner leading took us through that very passage.
Being here in Camden is me being a part of the hands and feet of Jesus here. We are the reflection of Jesus in this place, but that involves daily dying to our own pursuits and desires and schedules and attitudes, and taking on the righteousness of Christ and trusting that His ways are the best and most rewarding, because He is calling us to be part of an eternal kingdom that is bigger than what we see.
"And he said to all, 'If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.'"
Taking up my cross here doesn't just involve me, it involves being willing to suffer for the sake of others, because I want them to experience the lasting reward of knowing Jesus. This verse outlines that losing myself in Jesus comes before the reward (the "saving"). And that's a hard thing, because I'm called to jump in and have faith that He is faithful in all of this. I feel this challenge and call to come and die to myself a lot, and it's hard! It can be the "smallest" or "biggest" thing. It could mean going to bed earlier at night, so that I am more awake in morning prayer meetings. It could mean having to give up being in my lifelong friend's wedding in November, because I can't fly back to NA for it. It could mean walking down High street at a slower pace, so that I actually take in what's going on around me and pray for the people walking past me. It could mean letting Jesus meet me in the lonliness when I am wishing for a friend to do something with.
I'm realizing that it's okay to admit that taking up my daily cross for Jesus should involve small and big sufferings.And the fullness of Jesus will meet me in those times, because He's told me that in the dying to self, He offers life to the fullest!